I had an interesting conversation with my brethren (homeboy) this weekend regarding domestic violence. We were discussing the Chris Brown and Rhianna drama and I was saying to him what an asshole Chris is. And any man that beats a woman like that is a punk ! My friend then answered me and said "there's two sides to a story Nick and Rihanna is not telling the whole story". He continued to say "notice how she's being very quiet about it. She's not coming forward or stating what a horrible person this Chris Brown is, etc. etc." I responded back by saying it still doesn't justify a man hitting a woman. So my friend turned to me and said "Nick sometimes it's how far you push a person that can drive them to an edge ! If you tell her once, then she's been warned. The second time, you let it slide but continue to warn your woman to back off. The third time, depending how much she pisses you off, you might just lose it !" He then continued to say " Shit ! We don't even know if Chris owned that Lamborghini ! And Rhianna just threw the keys like that ! That probably was the last button she pushed to set him off! Furthermore, this incident doesn't make Chris a bad person. I think it's unfair how the media ployed with it to make Chris out to be the bad guy! " And I thought about what he said and I realized, he has a point.
My friend gave me an example of that "over the edge" steam when he told me of a story of him driving to Queens one day. A young woman driver kept cutting him off and they sort of had a road rage. Then out of no where, she did the unthinkable ! She held in her breath and let out a big gulp of spit on my friend's car ! As he watch the spit gliding down his car window, in a sudden rage my friend drove right behind her and then drove past her car cutting her off. He got out of the car pissed as hell and barked "Did you just spit at my car?" The woman looked at my friend terrified, not expecting my friend to come out of his car and locked all her car doors. My friend then kicked her car several times, cussed her out in some Jamaican patois and drove off ! He ended the story by saying, you see you never know what can make a person tick. And by that woman disrespecting him when she was in the wrong made him lose his cool altogether !
After he finished his story. I recalled the times when I saw some of my male friends in my past and present lose their cool because a female egged them on ! I remember in the 7th grade, my classmate beat up this bully, who happened to be a girl because she kept hitting him in the head and wouldn't stop after he asked her politely 3 times ! Or another incident in the 9th grade where anthor friend of mine beat up, yet another bully that happened to be a girl over a quarter-water bottle. Sounds funny but the bully kept throwing the empty bottle at my friend. So he threw it back and it hit her. After the third time when my homeboy threw it back, she slapped him. And then it was on ! She got suspended but not him! We all high fived him and patted him on the back because she was definitely in the wrong.
So in closing, I guess I have to thank my friend for opening my eyes and let me see that sometimes it's the man that's the victim, not the woman !
Well, my first response to this blog is what the f* ,you know the rest. I'm sick and tired of men saying, well she must have done something. No one will ever know what happened that day but the two of them. Her being quiet has nothing to do with it! Whether it's a privacy issue or a Public Relations block. She's not obligated to say anything. Now there are times that I feel like taking a cast iron frying pan to a brother's head, because some of you tend to speak to us sideways and invade our personal space. I have to call on Jesus many a times to keep from going to jail. Sometimes we act in the moment and worry about the
ReplyDeleteconsequences later. There are always two sides to every story, but that image of her beaten that was broadcast all over the news and web was totally senseless. All I will say is that I hope both of them seek counseling and that they have the sense to walk away when it gets too hot in the kitchen.
By Capricorn, NYC
I hear you on that Paula ! That's why I was soo angry when I was speaking to my friend about it. That image of Rihanna beaten up is too clearly visible for us not to think the worse of Chris Brown. However, when my friend and I were talking he was trying to make me see it from a different point of view because he said women tend to think their always the victim. My friend didn't agree with what Chris did but he said we don't know the whole story.
ReplyDeleteNicky Nicky Nicky! nice article first of all, but just to let you know there is always 3 sides to a story; each parties side and then the truth.I don't agree with your friend regarding the rihanna story because i feel that nothing in life should be solved with a closed fist. Violence doesn't end unless the problem is communicated. Regardless of how many times someone says something it should never be "oh well I warned you, therefor I"m fed up with you so that results in me hitting you to make you understand your doing and how wrong you are". Specially if it is someone you love. You cannot expect them to stick around after all that and you should not ask for a second chance because you should have thought things through before throwing the first punch.
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Well Nick, I have to say that there is 3 sides to each story; each parties side and then the truth. I feel that regardless of how many times you tell someone something they shouldn't throw a fist to prove a point or put you in your place. That's just imature and the only person allowed to do that if any should be your parents. The result is never solved by violence and violence is never solved by violence. Communiation is the key and trying a different approach to make that person understand is much better than proving a point by throwing a fist.
ReplyDeleteall the best
http://www.sanazblog.com
I hear you on that Shaunie ! And I'm glad you like the topic. Being women, this is a sensitive topic because so much of us are abused in relationships where the men get away with it ! Then people always ask "Why doesn't she just leave him?" But as the saying goes, it's easier said than done. Especially if you love the man and invested so much in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteSince the whole rihanna/chris brown story is somewhat sketchy, I agree with you that there needs to be better communication and like my friend Paula mentioned before, some counseling.
Thanks for your feedback Shaunie I really appreciate it ! ;o)
Ya'll gonna hate what I have to say on this subject, lol lol. Nicky's friend is correct on what he's saying and the only way to understand that is if ur a man.
ReplyDeleteQuiet as kept, not all domestic abuse cases are caused by the man, but by the woman. These are cases in which a man is viciously emasculating and hez fed up with the abuse and lashes out cuz of it. There are some women out there that truly believes that their dicks are bigger than their men and treat as such. Butjut like when a woman is fed up, so too can a man be.
The only ones complaining about this situation of Rihanna and C. Brown are women and past victims of abuse, but that alone makes their views on the subject jaded, to say the least. Now was Chris right in whooping that ass, if thatz what really happened,?
Hell no!!!!
But thatz where the agreement ends. Using the "I saw my mom get abused" tactic doesn't fly either. But if anyone actually is paying attention....Rihanna isn't saying anything and when Chris finally spoke on it, he said that the truth hasn't been told and that he can't reveal anything about it yet. Not saying that this is what happened, but who's to say that Rihanna didn't do that to herself to get Chris in trouble? What better way to tarnish the image of someone that comes off as squeeky clean, than an abuse charge? Remember in "A thin line between love and hate", when Lynn Whitfield abused herself in order to get Martin up on charges? The same could possibly be applied here.
There are only a few facts that can't be disputed:
1. Rihanna was injured
2. There was an argument
3. She threw away the keys to his rented lambourgini
4. Rihanna never said that Chris beat her
5. Chris never said that he beat her
6. Chris turned himself in
7. Folks heard an argument, but no one saw a fight
Anything besides this is only opinions and feelings.
You know what Tygah I agree with your comment. My friend also brought up the movie "The Family that Preys" where Sanaa Lathan was egging Rock Dunbar's character so much that the last straw was him slapping her for disrespecting him. So I totally see where you were going with your post.
ReplyDeleteThanks Tygah for your feedback. I'm really enjoy these responses guys !
***This Response is From Walter ****
ReplyDeleteHe had trouble posting on the site
Umm, me being a man of peace and has never had to hit a woman, will say this. Domestic violence is wrong either way, but more often than not, it's from verbal abuse and it escalates to the physical. In these days and times, and i'm all for independant women and having an equal ground with men to some degree "it will never be equal" but with that comes greater responsibilities and women can't cry weak when they put themselves into some of these situations. Again I'm not saying it's ok to hit a woman, but if you act like a man, and can't control your mouth, then prepare for whatever comes next. I mean some guy is going to eventually say i'm going to sue you and if it happens he may win, which is unheard of in todays society because women are portrayed as being weaker than men and less likely to do anything. So in a world where women want to be equal and talk like they are above a man's primal instinct to protect themselves, then these women in certain cases are going to end up hurt, be it right or wrong. walking away isn't always an option.